spouse bickering

Today I was witness to a very uncomfortable spousal spat. Elliott and I were waiting for our turn to go sign him into Kid's Club at the gym (he LOVES it and I get a chance to work out... perfect!) Only one parent is allowed at a time in the actual Kids Club area, so you have to wait outside for your turn.

A couple showed up with their three kids. The mom was, well, barking at her husband to sign the kids in, she had to get to class (incidentally, the same class I was going to... the same reason I was patiently waiting my turn). She turned around and very abruptly took off down the hall. The kids, all three, started screaming, "MOM!!!" and went running after her. She turned around and herded the kids back and her husband said something about how they want her to do it, and how they like her better, so she should do it. She said to him, very tersely, "I don't see why you can't figure out how to do this. And wouldn't YOU like me better than you?"

He looked at her and sorta snorted. Then said, "no."

She whipped her head around, facing away from him and said, in a whiny tone, "These kids are SO attached to me."

Then it was their turn to sign in, so the conversation was over.

I found the whole thing to be kinda disturbing on a couple of levels. One, I felt bad for their kiddos. How sad to learn that this is how moms and dads communicate with each other. Second, I felt bad for them. I obviously don't know what is going on in their relationship. It could be that he's cheating, she's pissed. Or maybe she's just insufferable and he feels trapped. Or, maybe they are a couple who, for some reason, thrives on marital tension and equalizes it by having tons of amazing make-up sex. Who knows... I don't really care at any rate.

The third thing is what has been on my mind the most. I know I sometimes talk to Nate in the way I heard this wife talking to her husband. I work so hard, everyday, to be gentle, loving and patient with Elliott, but that means that the tension and stress has to get released elsewhere. And, unfortunately, that sometimes is on my husband. (Just a side note: The gym is helping with releasing this stress... I feel more relaxed than I have in, well, years. But still, I have to admit it still comes out.)

So, I have to thank that couple, wherever they are. Thank them for making me realize that I need to also concentrate on being gentle, loving and patient with my own husband. It is unfortunate that I figured that out by watching another couple's struggle, but I feel fortunate to have witnessed it and to know that I need to work on how I release my own stress... to not let it fall on my husband.