Wednesday, May 18, 2011

asthma

Yesterday Elliott was diagnosed as having asthma. We now have three medications for him. Two are for daily use, one is for emergencies only.

I feel so bad for the kiddo. He's been coughing and coughing. I'm glad to have a treatment and a way to help him (although getting medicine in him is a big challenge). He seemed a bit better today... not nearly as much coughing today as we've been seeing for two months. So far tonight I've heard a bit of coughing... I'm hoping we've seen all we will see for the night.

This diagnosis, for me, has been pretty painful. Every time something that is more than likely related to Elliott's prematurity appears, these feelings of guilt, inadequacy and of deep pain for failing my sweet baby bubble up. It takes me right back to the day about a week after Elliott's birth where I sat in the NICU with his tiny body on my bare chest, doing our daily bit of kangaroo care, screens surrounding the incubator and us in the rocking chair. And I was sobbing. Sobbing for how I had failed my child. Mourning my body's inability to work correctly.

These feelings resurfaced when Elliott was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and I'm again dealing with them. I know, intellectually, that it wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. Everything that went wrong was nothing I was in control of. I know that even if he had been born full term he could have still had asthma and sensory processing disorder. But, I also know that these are classic long term affects of prematurity.

I'm not sure I'll ever really heal. I don't know if I'll ever stop internalizing these things. I think it is just my cross to bear as a preemie mom.

I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to carry you full term. I'm sorry you had to endure five weeks in the NICU, being poked with needles, listening to beeping and alarms, with people other than your mama and daddy changing your diapers and feeding you. I'm so sorry.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Dinner conversation 5/16

Yesterday's conversation. Setting: Dinner table. Eating hamburgers. Young son is refusing to eat the meat, only eating the bun slathered with ketchup.

Dad: Elliott, do you want some meat? You can dip it in the ketchup.
Elliott: No. I am NOT a T-Rex!
Dad: I'm an omnivore, Elliott. I eat plants and meat.
Elliott: That's a troodon.

Mom: *LAUGHING*

Our kiddo knows his dinos!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The goings on #2


Here I am, back for the second installment of The Goings On! You might notice some overlap, that is due to the photos being a mix of ones from my phone and ones from the camera. I'm just going through the folder of photos and selecting as it goes, so yes, there will be overlap on events with the previous post.

Anywho... the goings on!


We recently unpacked Elliott's tent. He was delighted and has spent a lot of time playing in the tent since then.




Shadow puppets in the tent.

An incredibly cute pic of the little guy.

Warm, clean laundry + Clifford = best morning ever

He loved snuggling in the basket of just dried laundry.

Oh how I wish I was small enough to curl my whole body into a basket of warm laundry!

Bear doing what she loves to do these days: Monitoring the neighborhood.

Lovely spring color.

The indestructible bandaid. This Curious George bandaid lasted approximately a full week. This was Elliott showing me how it was firmly affixed even after swimming lessons.

Out for a trike ride on what has been a very rare sunny day. he rode his trike all the way to his friend's house with minimal help from me! This was also the ride where he had his first bike riding injury... hence the bandaid in the photo above.

We painted Elliott's room. One half wall has magnet primer covered with chalkboard paint. It has been fun!


Elliott helped ;)

Sacked out after a day of painting.

Free scoop day at Ben and Jerry's.

Easter cookie decorating with one of Elliott's best buddies, Levi.

I baked a lot of cookies. The boys did a pretty good job decorating, but it's a good thing Levi's mom, Michelle, and I both like cookie decorating ;)

Deep in imaginative tractor play. It is kinda hard to see, but he was lifting pieces of tinker toy with one of his tractors.

Ready for an egg hunt. This was right before leaving home for the first of three egg hunts Elliott participated in this year.

Our Easter Tree. Elliott and I made an Easter Tree from a branch I found in a boulevard in NE Portland, some pretty "stones" and eggs we (or I) blew and Elliott dyed. We were super pleased with our tree!

Elliott after saying to me: "Mom? I need sunblock. Can we go to the beach?"

We really love our new neighbors (across the street). Here Elliott eats a little mincemeat pie they baked and gave us and last weekend they gave us some fresh baked bread. Yum! We gave them some of the Easter cookies we made and decorated.

And we love our sunny days! We've gotten so few that when one rolls around we pretend it is August!

Rainbow! Elliott loves rainbows. One of his favorite songs to sing is the Rainbow song from the "Cat in the Hat knows a lot about that" show on OPB. "Red, Orange, Yellow. Then Green, followed by blue. Indigo and Violet, That's a rainbow song for you!" (btw, he looks like he's not excited in this picture only because I was standing there shouting "Smile!" as he was being blinded by the sun.)

Our BIG egg!

Another BIG egg.

Our centerpiece for Easter Brunch. The Easter Tree on the table and our big eggs hanging from the ceiling fan.

This is what Elliott calls "taking a shower." One of his favorite activities these days. Not mom's favorite.

Yup, glad we replaced this exterior outlet. Yipes!

And I'm working on killing grass. Yup! Super exciting!

Probably one of the best lego constructions I've ever done. Elliott commissioned me to make a "Mack Truck" for his race cars out of Duplo Legos. I should note the trough on the top of the trailer part of the truck. That is a rain collection trough... completely Elliott's idea. This kiddo loves to talk about collecting rainwater. Super awesome!

Pretty much the best bedtime event Elliott has ever experienced. A Wendy's frosty and a trip through the carwash. Five star night for the three-year-old.

We checked out the playground at the nearby elementary school. It pretty much rocks Elliott's world. He keeps asking to go back to the "new" playground.

We made a friend on the way to the "new" playground. Elliott has asked a few times since to go find the friendly kitty.

And a stop at the flavor spot waffle food cart. We miss living a 1/2 block from it.

In my quest to find more creative ways to fulfill Elliott's need for more physical stimulation, I devised a pully system so he can pull loads from the main floor to the second floor. He's been having a good time with it.

Having fun at OMSI.

On the submarine tour. Looking through the periscope was the only part he liked.

Elliott set the table :)

We went to a birthday party recently where Elliott got a balloon sword. He said it was an anteater and here the anteater was sniffing for ants.

Eating pizza at the birthday party.

Meeting Micky Mouse at the birthday party.

I sewed some light blocking curtains for Elliott's room. He chose the fabric...
purple with Robots.

Playing with fake snow.

Taking Bear on a walk in a wooded area near our house. She loves to go walking through there.

We purchased some solar lights at Costco. Elliott made a birdhouse from the packaging. Totally his idea. Super cute.

Nate and Elliott found four little salamanders in a hole in our backyard. Here they are in the dump bucket of Elliott's trike right before the boys took them to the swampy area in the park near our house to release them back into nature. Elliott was very serious about the release (and it was incredibly cute.)

The hole where we found the salamanders. (with one salamander visible)

Grocery Shopping. When he got into this cart, he said, "Mommy, this cart is for big boys!"

Sorry it is out of focus, but I think you can still appreciate
the crazy post swimming lessons hair.

Sweet. Sweet, sweet, sweet. I love this man. I love this boy.
My heart on a mini-merry-go-round.

On Mother's Day we went to a restaurant the recently opened near us. It is a pizza and such all you can eat buffet and it has an arcade with rides too. Here are my boys playing skeeball.

Elliott whacking sharks.

Getting goofy in the car. (Don't worry, we were not moving). After running errands, we pulled in our driveway and Elliott didn't want to get out yet. He asked for some carrot sticks to snack on, so after giving him a couple I got the idea to make a walrus face with a couple sticks. Elliott thought it was HILARIOUS when I whipped around in my seat with the walrus face. He immediately tried to do it and has been making the walrus face ever since every time he gets ahold of a carrot stick. Anyhow, I took this to commemorate the moment.



YAY! We're all caught up on photos for now! I hope you all have enjoyed the little snapshots of our lives!