memories

You know how sometimes a song can transport you back to another time? I found this on youtube a few months ago. It was one of the songs in our Up With People show. Makes me cry every time I hear it. Makes me miss those days of traveling around in tour buses, eating crazy host family food and answering the same questions over and over again. Rocking out backstage with my friends, quick changes, gravity defying show hair, dragging a suitcase over cobblestone streets for miles to get to boys school where we were sleeping in the infirmary.

Makes me cry every time I listen to it. Man, I miss those days. Enjoy. Imagine rocking out on stage with 150 of your closest friends and singing your heart out. It's amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tphqUr5S-DM

The beginning

I'm four work weeks away from becoming an official stay at home mama! Whoa! I'm excited, scared, overwhelmed, worried, terrified and proud. Excited to be spending time watching and guiding the most important person in my life through the foundation of what will be his whole life, scared that I'll screw it up somehow, overwhelmed by all the responsibility this new position holds for me, worried that I made a mistake by giving up a paid gig, terrified that we'll be begging for money a year out from now, and proud of myself for sticking to my guns and making what I feel in my heart is the most important decision for our family. 

I keep trying to talk to Elliott about what is going to happen. I keep trying to explain that soon Mama won't have to drop him at the sitter's house anymore. Soon I can say, "Yes! We're going home!" when he says in his sweet little voice, "Home? Mama, home? Go home?" after a morning of activity.

I know he doesn't really get what I'm saying. Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that it really is, indeed, going to happen?

I'm not sure what to expect. I do have an idea of what I'd like to happen. I'd like to be able to carve a bit of the day out for myself to go for a run, brisk walk, go for a swim, whatever. Just to get my body moving. I haven't had that on a regular basis since the little guy was born and I think my mental and physical health are due for renovations.

I'd like to be able to do crazy activities together, like splash in mud puddles and make mud pies, and go to farms and go for bike rides, without always watching the clock. I'd like to have dance parties in the living room. 

I'd like to make friends. Real friends. Work on growing the relationships I have been able to start, but maybe haven't been able to really nurture as much as I'd like.

I realize this transition will not be all rainbows and unicorn farts. I realize there's going to be good and bad days. Which is why I'm trying to not put too many expectations out there. We'll see. I'm excited that for the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE I can take the opportunity to just be. To really, really take in life, and hopefully, enjoy.