I keep trying to talk to Elliott about what is going to happen. I keep trying to explain that soon Mama won't have to drop him at the sitter's house anymore. Soon I can say, "Yes! We're going home!" when he says in his sweet little voice, "Home? Mama, home? Go home?" after a morning of activity.
I know he doesn't really get what I'm saying. Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that it really is, indeed, going to happen?
I'm not sure what to expect. I do have an idea of what I'd like to happen. I'd like to be able to carve a bit of the day out for myself to go for a run, brisk walk, go for a swim, whatever. Just to get my body moving. I haven't had that on a regular basis since the little guy was born and I think my mental and physical health are due for renovations.
I'd like to be able to do crazy activities together, like splash in mud puddles and make mud pies, and go to farms and go for bike rides, without always watching the clock. I'd like to have dance parties in the living room.
I'd like to make friends. Real friends. Work on growing the relationships I have been able to start, but maybe haven't been able to really nurture as much as I'd like.
I realize this transition will not be all rainbows and unicorn farts. I realize there's going to be good and bad days. Which is why I'm trying to not put too many expectations out there. We'll see. I'm excited that for the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE I can take the opportunity to just be. To really, really take in life, and hopefully, enjoy.
beautiful olivia! and i love the reference to unicorn farts!
ReplyDeletei am so happy for you that you are taking this step toward "just being" - awesome.
So, so proud of you. I left my job when we moved to Arizona. There are hard days--it is by far the toughest job I have ever had. But, I love my little guys. And I am the one to decide their days. It is worth it, even when they poop all over the bathroom and scream in the library. Go to all the free programs you can (story times, library crafts, etc). I have linked your blog to mine (chasefamilylife.blogspot.com) so will check in. Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteGood job mama. You will make it work.... always. Good day and not so good days put aside. Remember, even on the days you may feel you fail, you are really succeeding in his eyes. You may not please all of the the time, but your heart will always love... pure, true, love. Bliss. Your friend, Laura
ReplyDeletea thought from a stay at home mom: just aim for one accomplishment a day. that will keep your goals realistic and it will also make the really hard, shitty days feel like a success. seriously. sometimes my only goal is to bake a loaf of bread or make sure everyone gets dressed. of course i keep a running list of a million other things i need to/ want to do, but this one goal thing has reduced my guilt and frustration dramatically.
ReplyDeletei wish i were in the 'hood to hang with you! i desperately miss seeing friends in the neighborhood, spontaneous playdates and friends who drop in and allow us to reciprocate. it would have been so fun to adventure this winter together! xoxo
You'll be a great stay-at-home mom! It sounds like you already have a lot of fun ideas to try. Elliot's going to love having more Mama time! :-)
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