at long last, a post

This should make Michelle happy ;)

Anywho... I'm really tired. I was up till three a.m. canning pints of corn and of zesty peach bbq sauce. Yum. I am definitely adding a pressure canner to my list of birthday/Christmas gift ideas. And a big one. One I can put 2-3 layers of pints in. Since I'm crazy and do things like can 26 pints of beets in one night. Yup, I'm certifiably crazy.

As I was chopping the ingredients for the bbq sauce, I was reflecting on what I've learned about canning this year and sorta mentally cataloging what I need to do better or plain old do next year.

A couple thoughts (besides the pressure canner one):

- BIG garden. yup. Hopefully *crossingfingers* we'll be moved, in a new house and I can break ground into the garden of my dreams. One which will be enough space to grown almost everything I need to can. Big dreams, I know, but when you see me sitting around staring into space with a dreamy look on my face, it's not Enrique or Billy Idol I'm dreaming about (don't judge), it's my fantasies about my future garden.

- LOTS of honey. I went through honey like water this year. I think I need to just get the HUGE container (I'm talking like the 25 lb thing). I know, it takes up a lot of space, but you know... once we're in the bigger house... *sigh*

- LOTS of cane sugar. Again, insane amounts, but I know we'll go through it like crazy.

- Think about getting a heavier duty cherry pitter. The one I have works fine, but it's a one at a time thing and I've heard word that there's ones that do multiple... lots... at once. Wow. Wouldn't that just make cherries easy ;)

- Jars... I purchased huge amounts of jars this year and while it's a good start, I think I'll need more. Wide mouth, more specifically. And Mason Star ones, cause I really like those ones. Oh, and get them used b/c I'm drowning in rims.

- more tattler lids. These are the re-usable BPA free lids. I got 2 dozen at the beginning of this canning season and I am O.U.T. Totally out. Gone. And I have lots more canning to do. So, I think another 2 dozen are in store for me.

I was also thinking about why I do this. I think about this a lot. Why? Maybe because when it is 2:30 a.m. and I'm exhausted and watching the pressure dial SLLLLLOOOOOWWWWLLLLLYYYY drop down I wonder to myself, "Am I just torturing myself." I could very well be, since I seem to do that a lot. But I think it is deeper than that. I like purchasing lots of veggies from the farmer (like growing them myself more). I like knowing exactly where my food came from. I also like being able to remember making whatever it is we're eating that day. For instance, this winter when i open cans of corn, I'll remember that long night in September when I annoyed my husband by staying up till 3 a.m. canning corn and I'll smile (but am yawning right now).

But I think more importantly than anything, I feel like I'm GOOD at this. I thought I was an okay photographer. Sometimes I pulled out a shot that was AMAZING, but all too much I thought I was mediocre. Ho hum. I know we all aren't super on everyday, but I felt like that too much at work. Once every couple months I'd make an image I was really, really proud of, but not much more than that.

But with canning, it's weird. The level of satisfaction is amazing. And SO tangible. I see my pantry grow and grow. I watch these beautiful jars of food glisten in their glass jars on my counter and it's great. Maybe it is the simple homemaker in me that's just finally found her way out? After years of chasing excitement and increasing my depth of knowledge of almost anything I could think of (and many times didn't think of), I'm finding an amazing sense of satisfaction in just taking care of my family, my house. It's great.

Granted, I still strive for more balance (like including taking care of myself into the mix). And I'm working on that. Trying to unload responsibilities that are more work than it is worth it to me. Trying to find balance in doing my part and serving my family. It's hard. I have a very difficult time saying no. And I'm working on it.

Okay, in other news.

Elliott is almost three, which totally blows my mind. He's amazing... has all sorts of funny ideas. We're somewhat working on potty training... he's sorta doing it himself (which means plenty of peeing on furniture, carpet, floors...) I haven't gotten myself motivated to really DO IT. I dunno... seems like I already have too many fish to try and it seems like this one will eventually resolve itself... if we survive that long.

I'm baby crazy. I didn't realize just HOW baby crazy I am until last weekend. We went to the 5th birthday party of the little girl of one of the La Leche League Leaders I've met through the N/NE Portland group. She had her third little girl three weeks before and the party was the first time I'd seen her. I don't know what happened. I looked at her sweet little face and arms and hands and burst into tears. I was so, so happy, but so, so sad too. Weird. I tried to talk to Nate about it later, but starting crying again (like real tears folks, had to take of the glasses and wipe them away legitimate tears folks). We want to wait until next summer before really trying to get pregnant. I have some goals to meet, we need to get this house sold and then moved into a new house, I need Elliott to (hopefully) be a little bit less wild and crazy (please don't shoot my hopes down now of this... it's my pearl right now). I'm sure Nate would be happy waiting forever... maybe even skipping the whole second child thing, but I seem to be getting that glint... uh oh.