nostalgia

The other evening, after a really, really rough day with Elliott (these seem to be more frequent and intense the longer this house selling process continues) Nate came home and I was released to walk the dog, get some fresh air and decompress from an intense day.

I decided to walk Bear past some friend's houses that I needed to drop Christmas cards to anyhow. Two are a block and a half from me, one is about 3 blocks. I walked past the first two (once of which I had just been to the night before wrapping gifts for our mom's group's adopt-a-family) and stuck the cards in their mailboxes. Then Bear and I walked another couple blocks to the off-leash area in the park. She mozied around and after a bit, I decided it was a perfect time to swing by another friend's house and pick up our milk and eggs order for the week. So Bear and I walked over there (about 5 blocks) and passed by the third friend's house on the way home, dropping the card in the mailbox.

It struck me on this walk how much I'm going to miss this community right here in Arbor Lodge. This little neighborhood has really become home to our family. It's not unusual for me to run into mamas I know at the grocery store, park or just walking around, everyone at the off-leash area knows and loves our quirky Bear, we have neighbors we can count on in a pinch. I pick up most of our family's food within blocks of our house. We can walk to Bear's daycare. It's pretty cozy.

As much as I look forward to a new house, more space and more quiet, I do mourn the loss that will come with this upcoming move. I do love the community up here in NoPo, I don't think it can really be duplicated in quite the same way.

But I have to be realistic. I know I'll make new friends, the park near the new house is amazing, we will be walkable to one of Elliott's best buddies and one of my best buddies. The location, for being in the burbs, is surprisingly bikeable and is very close to some wonderful things like the downtown Beaverton area, a trailhead for the Fanno Creek Trail System, a really big park filled with big trees and a great playground. It's walkable to both the elementary and middle school. It's not too far out, so I'll be able to get to and from NoPo for playdates and such fairly easily.

But still, I'll miss this crazy corner of the world. It's a very cozy, comfortable, fun corner and we have some dear friends up here that we'll miss being able to see on a lark. I know with some effort, the friendships will continue, but it will take more planning, coordinating and such.

Anyhow, it's just what was on my mind as I walked our dog through the neighborhood, decompressing and letting some of the quieter thoughts stew and get some actual thinking time in my overwhelmed brain.

Oh Tannenbaum!

Tis the season! Whoopie! And I mean that for reals! I love Christmas, decorating the house and all that jazz. Every year I relish in unwrapping ornaments from the layers of tissue paper they spend the whole year packed in, ready to hang from a beautiful tree to remind us of our families, our childhoods and our lives together. Love, love, love.

Our Christmas tree is no designer tree. Nope. There's no coordinating colors, themes or the like. The only rule I have: no colored lights. With the mishmash of ornaments we have, there's no need to go crazy with light colors. White lights do us just fine and I even endorse twinkle settings.

So I thought I'd give you a bit of a photo tour of what makes our tree so special every year.

Here we go!

First off is tree selection. As a kid, we used to go into the mountains in Montana as a whole family: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma, grandpa. Every household would hike around in the woods, arguing, falling in the deep snow, complaining, throwing snowballs... until we found the right tree, cut it down and drug it back to the car (there's some funny photos out there of my brother and I dragging a tree and all of us are laying in the snow, having collapsed in the knee deep snow.)

I hope to try this out when kiddos get bigger, but for now, since we're urbanites now, we've been purchasing our trees at a lot down the street that is a charity. It's not far to haul a tree and the folks working the lot are really friendly. Above you can see Elliott running through the rows of trees. He spent quite a bit of time doing just that while we chose the tree.

The tree. (I know, I'm out of order. It's decorated here). I like Nobles. I like that their branches seem tougher, stiffer, so they can handle some of the heavier ornaments we have. I also like a tree that has a little "personality". Personality goes a long way with me. This tree I liked because it, well, kinda chubby. And I liked that.

Our tree was very "alive" this year. We found numerous ladybugs, a spider and Nate swears a bee-like insect peed on the floor when it flew out of the tree.

Ornaments! I chose a smattering of my favorites. There are more, but I decided not to bore you all to death! The one above is from Nate and I'd belated honeymoon/babymoon cruise to the Caribbean. We bought this on the ship's gift shop on our final night of the cruise. It always makes me smile that think about that special week we had together when (not to our knowledge at the time) we were just 5 weeks from the birth of our baby!

We try to get an ornament from every trip we take. Sometimes we forget, but most of the time we remember. This one we purchased at the top of the Sears (Willis) Tower in Chicago. It's a snowglobe with the Sears Tower inside.

From childhood. My parents passed down a bunch of ornaments years ago. This was always one of my favorites. It's just goofy and vintage, and I just love it. I look forward to seeing it every year.

I made this when I was in a little girl in Sunday School. I can't believe it has survived this long. I don't have many things I made as a kid since I moved between fosterhomes/family/group homes so much. Actually, this is the only childhood ornament I have, so it's pretty special, therefore, is located at the top of the tree.

Another goofy ornament I love seeing every year. I like how Santa's springy appendages bounce up and down. It has made me smile every year since I was a kid.

Nate and I's families are big on marking special occasions and every year, really, with special ornaments. This is a jingle bride and groom we received for our first married Christmas. I love them, they are so sweet!

The back of this one is difficult to see, but it is a postcard ornament Nate and I received from my aunt Gloria for our first married Christmas. It is addressed to Mr and Mrs Nathan Bucks and has our first married address on it. I love it. It was such a special gift!

Another ornament from 2005, marking our second married Christmas. We have ornaments marking every year, and ones adding Elliott's name after he was born. Super special ways to mark our years together.

I've tried to carry on the yearly ornaments for Elliott. This one I gave him last year, it's a tiny Very Hungry Caterpillar book. It was one of his favorite books. Every year I search for the ornament that somehow represents our year together. I'm still searching for this year.

Another one of Elliott's ornaments from last year. This was his first visit to Santa. Doesn't he look thrilled? LOL. I'm sure he'll LOVE this when he's older... I know his partner will for sure.

Last year Elliott and I went to Mimosa Studios and he painted ornaments for grandparents and he chose the train for himself. I love his art. I'm thinking we might go back again this year and do another one. We had a lot of fun.

And, following in the tradition of marking big occasions on our tree, this is the ornament I got for Elliott's first Christmas.

Another ornament marking Elliott's first Christmas. I'm very excited to have a whole collection of ornaments to give him when he sets up his own home someday. I hope he comes to enjoy these as much as I do.

It's hard to see, but the ornament to look at is the one with the buttons in the foreground. My mom made them from a collection of her grandmother's buttons. She made each of us three kids ornaments one year for Christmas. I love them.

More homemade ornament goodness. This is one of many handmade stuffed ornaments that my MIL made years ago and passed down to us a couple years ago. I love the cheery, down home sweetness of these ornaments. AND, they are super strong and I don't worry about Elliott breaking them, so they are much enjoyed by the three-year-old this year since they are at his height on the tree.

This is a very special ornament in memory of Nate's Grandma Vera. She was an amazing gardener/food preserver and in general awesome person. We got sweet ornaments after her death, a wonderful way to remember her every year and have her presence on our tree for the rest of our lives.

Oh, and the angels. I'm not a religious person, at all, but I LOVE angels. They are so sweet. I always have my eyes peeled for more "ethnic" angels and hope to have a United Nations of Angels on my tree someday. Here's a few:

And, we're not above a little downright goofiness around here. This is a Cartman ornament I got for Nate years ago when his love affair with South Park really started to blossom. It cracks me up every year when we put it up.

Okay, that's the end of the tour! I hope you all enjoyed!

at long last, a post

This should make Michelle happy ;)

Anywho... I'm really tired. I was up till three a.m. canning pints of corn and of zesty peach bbq sauce. Yum. I am definitely adding a pressure canner to my list of birthday/Christmas gift ideas. And a big one. One I can put 2-3 layers of pints in. Since I'm crazy and do things like can 26 pints of beets in one night. Yup, I'm certifiably crazy.

As I was chopping the ingredients for the bbq sauce, I was reflecting on what I've learned about canning this year and sorta mentally cataloging what I need to do better or plain old do next year.

A couple thoughts (besides the pressure canner one):

- BIG garden. yup. Hopefully *crossingfingers* we'll be moved, in a new house and I can break ground into the garden of my dreams. One which will be enough space to grown almost everything I need to can. Big dreams, I know, but when you see me sitting around staring into space with a dreamy look on my face, it's not Enrique or Billy Idol I'm dreaming about (don't judge), it's my fantasies about my future garden.

- LOTS of honey. I went through honey like water this year. I think I need to just get the HUGE container (I'm talking like the 25 lb thing). I know, it takes up a lot of space, but you know... once we're in the bigger house... *sigh*

- LOTS of cane sugar. Again, insane amounts, but I know we'll go through it like crazy.

- Think about getting a heavier duty cherry pitter. The one I have works fine, but it's a one at a time thing and I've heard word that there's ones that do multiple... lots... at once. Wow. Wouldn't that just make cherries easy ;)

- Jars... I purchased huge amounts of jars this year and while it's a good start, I think I'll need more. Wide mouth, more specifically. And Mason Star ones, cause I really like those ones. Oh, and get them used b/c I'm drowning in rims.

- more tattler lids. These are the re-usable BPA free lids. I got 2 dozen at the beginning of this canning season and I am O.U.T. Totally out. Gone. And I have lots more canning to do. So, I think another 2 dozen are in store for me.

I was also thinking about why I do this. I think about this a lot. Why? Maybe because when it is 2:30 a.m. and I'm exhausted and watching the pressure dial SLLLLLOOOOOWWWWLLLLLYYYY drop down I wonder to myself, "Am I just torturing myself." I could very well be, since I seem to do that a lot. But I think it is deeper than that. I like purchasing lots of veggies from the farmer (like growing them myself more). I like knowing exactly where my food came from. I also like being able to remember making whatever it is we're eating that day. For instance, this winter when i open cans of corn, I'll remember that long night in September when I annoyed my husband by staying up till 3 a.m. canning corn and I'll smile (but am yawning right now).

But I think more importantly than anything, I feel like I'm GOOD at this. I thought I was an okay photographer. Sometimes I pulled out a shot that was AMAZING, but all too much I thought I was mediocre. Ho hum. I know we all aren't super on everyday, but I felt like that too much at work. Once every couple months I'd make an image I was really, really proud of, but not much more than that.

But with canning, it's weird. The level of satisfaction is amazing. And SO tangible. I see my pantry grow and grow. I watch these beautiful jars of food glisten in their glass jars on my counter and it's great. Maybe it is the simple homemaker in me that's just finally found her way out? After years of chasing excitement and increasing my depth of knowledge of almost anything I could think of (and many times didn't think of), I'm finding an amazing sense of satisfaction in just taking care of my family, my house. It's great.

Granted, I still strive for more balance (like including taking care of myself into the mix). And I'm working on that. Trying to unload responsibilities that are more work than it is worth it to me. Trying to find balance in doing my part and serving my family. It's hard. I have a very difficult time saying no. And I'm working on it.

Okay, in other news.

Elliott is almost three, which totally blows my mind. He's amazing... has all sorts of funny ideas. We're somewhat working on potty training... he's sorta doing it himself (which means plenty of peeing on furniture, carpet, floors...) I haven't gotten myself motivated to really DO IT. I dunno... seems like I already have too many fish to try and it seems like this one will eventually resolve itself... if we survive that long.

I'm baby crazy. I didn't realize just HOW baby crazy I am until last weekend. We went to the 5th birthday party of the little girl of one of the La Leche League Leaders I've met through the N/NE Portland group. She had her third little girl three weeks before and the party was the first time I'd seen her. I don't know what happened. I looked at her sweet little face and arms and hands and burst into tears. I was so, so happy, but so, so sad too. Weird. I tried to talk to Nate about it later, but starting crying again (like real tears folks, had to take of the glasses and wipe them away legitimate tears folks). We want to wait until next summer before really trying to get pregnant. I have some goals to meet, we need to get this house sold and then moved into a new house, I need Elliott to (hopefully) be a little bit less wild and crazy (please don't shoot my hopes down now of this... it's my pearl right now). I'm sure Nate would be happy waiting forever... maybe even skipping the whole second child thing, but I seem to be getting that glint... uh oh.

Kitchen stuff

I love projects. Some of my favorites are kitchen and garden projects.

Lately I've had a few kitchen projects going on. They're not insanely exciting, but they help me feel more connected with my food, kitchen and community. It's interesting how much emotional weight food holds.

Here are a few of my projects:

1. veggie stock. This is a pretty "normal" thing these days. I love having homemade veggie stock in the freezer! I keep the cuttings form celery, carrots, onions in a freezer bag and when I get a full bag or two, I add a handful of garlic, some fresh stuff, water, boil and voila! veggie stock.

2. frozen asparagus. I have been busy blanching and freezing asparagus. I'm excited. I'll be great to have local, fresh from frozen asparagus in the middle of winter!

3. pickled asparagus. Through our food club's recent asparagus bulk buy, I purchased 15 lbs and pickled it. I made a herbed and a spicy dill asparagus spears. I haven't tried them yet, but am excited to.

4. Homemade onion powder! I had a whole bunch of onions that were beginning to go soft and slightly moldy. So I cut off the moldy parts, washed them down, sliced them and put them in the dehydrator. Then I pulverized them in the food processor and I now have amazing smelling onion powder! Totally great feeling to do that within a day of us running out of what we had in the cupboard. And I didn't waste any onions!

5. homemade garlic powder: I got 5 lbs of organic, peeled garlic with our last produce buy. They are, as I type, humming along in the dehydrator (in the garage so we don't have to inhale the strong, yet yummy, scent.)

6. Spinach! The spinach in the sideyard garden has gone NUTS! So I've been blanching and freezing it too. It'll be fun to eat spinach from our garden through the winter. Speaking of this, I have another big bowl in the freezer to work on.

Upcoming projects: Strawberry Season is coming! WOOOO HOOO! I'm excited and have plans for: Jam, homemade fruit leather and tons of dehydrated strawberries. Elliott eats them like candy!

I am FIRST, a SAHM

This journey into SAHMhood has been interesting. The end of this month will mark 5 months since I've been home.

It has just been recently that I've started identifying myself first and foremost as a SAHM. Before it was, "Used to work for the Oregonian... blah, blah, blah, explain, explain, but now I'm at home." It was a funny realization to me when I just stopped doing that. It was funny to finally be okay with this. Fine to not have a paying job and to recognize that keeping my house together and family sane is my job. And I'm really okay with that. More than okay, really. I'm starting to really feel like I'm owning this job, I guess is more the way to put it. I'm thinking as a mom first, not as an employee first.

I'm doing more things, and less, than I ever thought I would. It's funny how busy our days get.

I'm cooking a lot more. And that's a very good thing, I think. I'm getting more adventurous and feeling more confident about taking liberties with recipes that I never felt I had the time/resources to do before (there was no time before to re-do dinner, for instance.)

I'm sewing less and gardening less. I hope this is just because I'm in a class right now that takes up almost my entire Saturday. The last one is this coming Saturday, then I'll feel like I have a real weekend back. But, despite less time in the garden, I'm still impressed with what is already coming out. Today I blanched and froze a whole bunch of spinach, our beets that were overwintered are almost ready to pull out and the onions are growing like gangbusters. I was able to put a layer of compost down in the flower beds in the front yard, the sunflowers are about 3 inches high in the front yard. I also put down a THICK layer of mulch in the front flower beds. I really, really don't like to weed :)

My next garden goals: get out to the community garden and finish amending the soil in the second half of my plot so I can get corn seeded soon. I also want to get the hot peppers and tomatoes into the ground. Actually, one tomato in the ground, one will go in one of those hanging upside down pots... I decided to experiment and see if they actually work. Also, I want to get the hedge trimmed, the lawn (what little bit we have) weed whacked and mowed.

My biggest project is trying to (gently) convince Nate that we NEED chickens. I really, really, really want chickens! One, because I would love the eggs and can't imagine anything better than getting them from our backyard. Two, I know Elliott would LOVE to have chickens (he always loves visiting our friend's chickens). And Three, I just love that we CAN have backyard chickens in Portland. I think it'll help me feel a little bit more like a farmer :)

Okay, that's really it for now. I'm not super exciting these days. Busy with kiddo, school, food club stuff, household stuff, pets... it's a busy life even if I don't get paid for it. Well, I do. Elliott's been big on giving out kisses and hugs these days. It's very sweet and makes everything worth it for a little kiss on the cheek.

update

Man, I am a TERRIBLE blogger. It has been two months since my last post. Holy cow.

We've been to Costa Rica. It was amazing. We soaked in as much Vitamin D as possible, hiked in the rainforest, found monkeys in the trees, tried to make friends with iguanas, ate tons of papaya, drank tons of coffee. We hung out with family and hung out just as our little family. In a week's time I had a body wrap (chocolate one) and a facial. Heaven.

Here are some pics:

Frog hunting at night outside the hot springs pool at our second resort at Volcano Arenal.

I know it's kinda mean, but my favorite part of the ceremony happened right before it started... when one of the wedding planners backed her Land Rover into a huge ditch. Then her partner (in the purple) got mad at me for shooting this pic. Hee hee hee....

Swimming in Costa Rica... we spent most of our time on the coast in the resort pool. :)

Making friends with one of the iguanas at our resort. We did a lot of "iguana hunting".

Breakfast in Costa Rica. Fruit is always better while wearing shades. :)

Our arrival in Costa Rica. We exited the plane directly on to the tarmac of a very small airport.

Missoula and gardening

Elliott and I are halfway through our "just the two of us" trip to Missoula. It has been a good trip to take, yet a really, really tough one. I knew it was going to be tough before we left. Elliott is working on getting over a cold, he's hugely attached to Daddy right now and is very much a home-body, familiar stuff is good, kinda kid these days. None of that is bad, really, but it makes for a tough trip. Missoula trips are always super busy. Lots of family to visit, lots of rushing from place to place. I think I've done a fairly okay job at slowing down the pace, making sure Elliott has his rest time and we've been talking through the transitions together. I've noticed a big increase in his requests to nurse. Not from boredom, but for comfort. At night he's been holding onto me, wanting contact almost constantly.

I'm glad we made the trip, despite the challenges. It has been a year and three months since our last trip. That's the longest I've ever been away from Missoula in my whole life. My dear, dear Grandma Daphne is looking more and more tired. She's completely lost sight in her right eye, her memory is not good and I feel so badly that I'm not here to keep her company all the time. I think she might be a bit lonely. It's so hard to not be able to help those you love the most in the best way you can because of miles of space. I'll keep up the calls to her though. I think that's the best I can do for now. It's tough.

My mind, while busy, busy here, is preoccupied with my garden. I really hope the seed catalog came in the mail while we were gone. I'm ready to get ordering! Before leaving, Elliott and I went to the McCoy Community Garden to check out my plot. I'm excited about the plot and the space, but am nervous about the garden. The garden is located directly next to the playground in the big central park in New Columbia. The playground was filled with kids (older kids, like middle schoolish, late elementary). Elliott and I went to the playground after checking out my plot and while we were on the swings I noticed a couple of boys trying to climb the fence into the garden. The bigger kid didn't make it over the fence, but the slimmer one did, and proceeded to stomp through people's plots. I was aghast and started to obsess about my plot. Its the closest to the playground, so it has the potential to get stomped on. I'm not debating what crops to put in, but what will survive possible adolescent male tennis shoe stomping. I'm upset that I even have to take this into consideration.

But stuff I'm excited about for this spring:

1. clearing out the plot, which is a FREAKING HUGE mess. Huge, folks. I think I'll need a day where Elliott and Daddy come with me to the garden and Nate keeps track of Elliott/helps me and I'll focus on plot clear-age.

2. Then I need to figure out what the protocol is for compost delivery to amend the soil.

3. finalize what to plant in the plot. Right now I'm thinking: rhubarb, potatoes (in a bin, possibly, less stomp-able), asparagus, corn/squash/beans later in the summer.

4. finalize what to plan in the home garden. I think I need to add a couple more herbs, beans, tomatoes, eggplant, sweet peppers, hot peppers, beets...

5. Order gravel to finish the pathway.

6. Order compost for the home garden.

7. seed the peas! Whoo hoo!

Okay, I should go to bed soon. Onto another busy today tomorrow!